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Letter Box On Line (LBOL) Files #10
Here is a little piece I wrote on my recent spring trip to a remote corner of the Yosemite. It may give you a sense where and why I am going to these places.
Sitting quietly
You tickle me
Your visit would go unnoticed
These woods are your home.
Taking a deep breath
On April 30, I was in Mount Carmel, Tennessee, at Oak Grove Baptist Church, the shaping institution of my
My father, 84, a Freemason and Knights Templar Commander, has taught the Men's Bible Study Class, largely octagenarians, for more than a decade. Whenever I am in town, I am expected to teach the class in his stead. The elders in this class were the leaders of the church in my childhood, in a small, rural, wooden church building located in Sawmill Hollow, or Holler. Now many of elders have died, and more are dying quickly now.
On this occasion, those of the Women's Bible Study Class suggested combining classes. I asked if this had ever happened before. No one remembered such an occurrence, and since the collective memory there goes back about eight decades, it seems to be a reliable fact.
The lesson, in the Southern Baptist "quarterly" sequence, was the first chapter of the Book of Judges in the Old Testament. As usual, I opened my heart for
Whenever we are stuck, whenever we are at an edge of consciousness and fixated with a "problem," we have a tendency to experience that problem as an
Of course, I didn't use this language, and the lesson seems to have been well enough received. A few seemed to be made uncomfortable with the idea that idols might be found within everyday habituated behaviors.
Here is a poem I wrote after return to California, having also visited my 82-year-old mother, suffering after hip surgery, plagued with dementia, in the nursing home:
times of decision
transgressions
could not have predicted
not this way
the sacred thing strikes me
who we are who we may be
it is what we are right now
what we are noticing
algorithms properties
a heart shattered in light beams
is whole and is at home
we arise
in cloud forests
our cells go up in flames
and this is how loves grow
and then remain
Well, here are some poems or word salad, sometimes I don't know which. Last Tuesday was the Jewish remembrance day of Shoah, the Holocaust. It figures in to the last poem.
The wash invited me to lie down in it and listen
Narrowly did I notice a moving shadow on the east wall of the wash
I glued my eyes to the spot on the creamy light brown earth
It was in truth nothing more than a jackrabbit as in truth I saw
THE ESCAPE
The instruments of torture lie to my left
If the Cross fits, wear it
It is best to be immune to everything
WAIT HERE; I'LL CALL YOU
The lady swept the floor with love
Other noises, television, talk filled the air
In a little hotel cafe in Phoenix
THE WASHING ANGEL
I am the washing angel
But what are sins, anyway,
About myself
Sorry if it displeases you
SHOAH
What a gift to be given:
The story of Jesus is my compass
Chris Lovette
On her back, feet in stirrups,
Clean, quick, nearly painless.
That was what she had been told.
Nothing said about dreams.
Home to make dinner for family:
The doctor at home thinking of the day.
The mother transfixed by her son
The doctor sits alone in his living room,
The man in the parked van across the street
On his way to bed the doctor thinks of the number,
The woman can't sleep. Her husband has been little help.
Looks at the clock. It is nearly two thirty.
Donald Marsh
Top of page
I made a batik of the Chartres type labyrinth in cotton with permanent professional fiber dyes and gave it to my friend to do "something" with it. Sara Schrader quilted it into this coat which she designed. She is an artist at our small art center and has made pottery, stained glass, fabric art.
Walking the labyrinth is something I love to do so I started making small batik pillows for finger walking and some larger ones for hanging. The coat has been in a show called "Symphonies of Light" at a regional center here—also it is for sale!.
Mary Ruth
One by one the polyglot thickens, thinking it amuses you.
Moon laced rhythms of chrysanthemums and amethyst
The forgotten echo the litany of their tragedy,
And the funny thing is, I can't tell you
(That was this evening's work, here's a sonnet—I do owe a credit to
Wendell Berry, the American poet who refurbished the form.)
"When everything is loose and tight
Insomnia—cold and indifferent
Lowriders/gangbangers blare rap music
Man—what am I doing here, up this late
I like the train whistle after two weeks
Chris Lovette
In June of 1995, I was lay-ordained as a Zen Buddhist. It was a big step and I was so nervous during the ceremony I mispronounced everything. Afterward, although I felt that I should expect nothing, I couldn't help hoping: some enlightenment, something transforming would happen.
Nothing did. I had the same confusions and habits I had before. Days later, I noticed something: I was walking differently. I was conscious of my foot on the earth. Actually, it was foot on cotton sock on plastic sneaker on rug on floor on concrete most of the time. But I also walked on the earth barefoot and became conscious of my ankle flexing, my heel coming down, meeting the ground, then my instep, my sole, my toes. I felt the earth, felt my toes grip it as I pushed off. I stepped, feeling that I had, as everyone does, the right to step where I did. I felt the earth as part of all, of me,
everyone, everything.
(A Rakusu is the symbolic robe of Buddha, a kind of bib worn while sitting zazen.)
I go wherever my foot fall takes me,
Stepping softly through my life's sad debris,
Alone and baffled, confronting ennui,
I walk, unsure, through life's optimacy:
I face a time of inadequacy—
Acceptance of age with thought fancy free,
Donald Marsh
Top of page
My tour
Nothing left
Surface of salt pools
It's my sight.
But I trust pillars
For what's fallen is
Pamukkale, Turkey is a site of Greco-Roman ruins.
Iskandar Soekardi
In Celebration of the Spirit: For more years than I could remember, my heart had been closed. Disappointed, burnt out and full of rage, I saw a barren, used-up world outstretched before me. In a leap of faith, I stopped drinking. That simple act opened the door to the real treasure that I'd buried so long ago—my spiritual nature.
(For me,) Spirituality is the result of having developed a sense of the depth of my own invisible nature. It is a treasure that nothing or no one can ever damage, and it belongs absolutely to me. I do not have to earn it; I do not have to hold onto it, or even protect it. This gift, the first stirring of my spiritual nature, began in childhood.
The one element from my childhood that stands out in my mind the most is loneliness. Perhaps it was this sense of alienation from myself that inspired the extraordinary occurrences that I would later call spiritual gifts.
I must have been seven or eight years old when I became aware of these unusual, spontaneous occurrences. Late at night, when I was alone in my bed, I felt pleasurable, nurturing sensations. In my mind's eye, these feelings had texture and color—either a smooth brown or a textured green. These occurrences happened at random throughout my early childhood. I would not experience anything like it again for three decades, until early sobriety.
After the breakup of a relationship with a man with whom I'd been living, I applied for my own apartment. That night as I was lying in bed worrying as to whether or not I'd get the apartment, the smooth brown sensation spontaneously filled my body. My fears stepped aside, replaced by the invisible, nurturing presence. I slept peacefully that night. The next day I learned that I had been approved for the apartment.
Several years later I experienced two more spiritual occurrences that were a month apart. On both occasions I was engrossed in the process of hand quilting late at night. Without warning, I saw a flash of light, quite bright, out of the corner of my eye. I felt enveloped and filled with an indescribable sensation that I can only equate to ecstasy, for it was outside the realm of the usual five senses. On the second occasion the same unearthly sensation penetrated my being, but I felt released from my body, like I could float. Conscious and uninhibited, I dropped the sewing needle and raised my arms up toward an invisible presence and exclaimed, My God, my God, my God! I thought this must be heaven.
I didn't know what had happened to me, or to what purpose. In solitude I came to realize that the spiritual gifts were a manifestation of acceptance and love from my own spirit within. To perceive the depth of my spiritual nature is my greatest joy, for it contains the miracle of healing.
Caroline Seibert
Back from a vacation. Back from watching whales migrate north to the Bering sea, watching Turkey Vultures swoop so low, inspecting. Huge meadows windblasted and stubbed, great manic waves mounted and bending, breaking white to hammer cliffs in an extravagant slow motion explosion. And a tall patient silence so old. I am made anew.
Everyone has the moment. Everyone knows.
A need to be someone somewhere other.
Then walking the berm hoping
All my life looking, tasting a success
Closest I ever got was the want to be a hermit.
Now, in long familiar shadows,
But I can't let go
Donald Marsh
Here are three more haiku poems out of the theme: Dominion of light.
Blue sky at night.
The seed of yin is in yang.
The artist's gift,
Franz Spickhoff
A quick silvered flash
Though still visible,
No longer
Jenny Mamola
I find this quotation in an Asian magazine, the entire issue devoted to concepts of time. I am intrigued, attempt to pursue the maze of thought my mind has entered in reading these two sentences.
Outside songbirds distract me with their sweet high notes and the sky begins to lighten. While I have been in contemplation, time has been in motion without me, an unevenly distributed future. I remain lost in the meditative state, but everything else stirs and continues the process of evolution. I am often left behind.
Only occasionally, I experience a lightning flash, propelling me forward, a foreshadowing of eventual cognizance.
I travel between these two dimensions randomly, without dominion over either one. This is the adventure of life, this haphazard fortuitous and calamitous lack of hold on time.
In late middle-age, I observe the lingering shuffle of days that have become my mother's life in a nursing home. It make one wish for a quick and painless exit. I can just barely imagine the courage it takes to manage a civil awakening to another tedious twenty-four hours, a future unwanted. Is this a preview of my own destiny I am allowed so that I may master the grace of aging with as much valor. There are times the mirror is unkind.
I hold onto the fine linen of the moment, reach out to touch the ripening light of early morning. Everything is just beyond our full comprehension. I would not have it any other way.
All night the silver blade
All night the stars appear
All night a light breeze
Laura Bayless
Everywhere there are signs of Spring. Trees are budding, flowers pushing up and blooming, robins going happily insane on errands.
Your voice tiptoes in glee to see
Fully carbonated and chilled
Donald Marsh
Here are a couple of haiku poems:
Thinking of time... and me... and you... and all of us... as artists. Time and I have just begun to become companions. In my willingness to not possess it... I am given the privelige of play with it... to bend, stretch, compress it, even mold it into fanciful designs... to let it run free like an unleashed dog in the field and call it home in hopes that it will want to be there. Time, when approached by me with my arrogance left behind, is dropped in my palm like sculpturing clay.
It's 6AM and... time for farm work, time for sipping coffee, blowing candle out and breathing in the sweetness of another day from this moment of nothing and everything... An empty canvas set before me. In all our deliberateness and whimsy, the colors and designs available to us are limitless.
Gary Ibsen
FRESHENED INTENTION
I return again and again to the meditative state of grace, that of the writing of poems. In the intention lies the promise, the thin gauze of hope. With this line or that haunted two syllable word, desire responds, rises from the night ashes, the phoenix of purified yearning.
It is ever my intention to live into the exquisite mystery of the future with as much ethical decency as I can conjecture from experience. Poems allow me a deeper journey into experience, a gleaning and winnowing. If I can illuminate some particular unsayble ecstasy or seal off one leaking fissure in the heart, the poem becomes an artful elixir of my own restorative powers.
Whether it is the most recent arc of events or past grief reawakened, a poem takes hold, hems the loose ends. How does one explain explosions in stillness, ripening in the midst of decay, love in the vulnerability of loss. One writes a poem to come closer, to confront what one cannot comprehend in linear thought.
In the sounds, the plaiting of music and meaning, the altered permeability of content and tone, an offering is made to the spirit, alms for the soul. In the silence that procreates, I find what has been waiting for me, what sheds another layer of pretense. And in the practice of writing poems, I am uplifted, enriched, reconciled, and reminded of all that I do not know.
Waves rumble,
The sea tosses pitted
It does not matter to the sea,
Skeletal driftwood,
My life's shifting reality
I am an alcoholic. I stopped drinking in April of 1983. In the intervening time, I've slipped once, drinking wine five years ago. Alcohol does things to me it doesn't do to a lot of people. For a while, I didn't know which was worse: drinking or quitting drinking. Fortunately for me, I had some wonderful friends and I was stubborn. I hated everything and everybody in sobriety. It took me a long time to realize that I actually hated one person. It has taken me even longer to forgive that person and
realize that, like everyone, all that I've done and thought, everything I've experienced, including the drinking, has led me to be the person I am now, at this writing. I find, to my amazement, that I am, at times, comfortable with the person I've become.
There are the glazed men fumbling with phones
Then the befuddled men erupting in frustration
The brief admitting shrug that one could be more,
The desperate oath never again until the evening,
Donald Marsh
Pacific Grove, CA
Check out what a community group on the Monterey Peninsula has been working on for the last three years in this article!
What is a labyrinth? ... Continue!
Barbara Rose Shuler
With the emailing of this poem, #156, it is three years. Can't believe it. More to come. Tonight's poem is dedicated to Lonon Smith because he has always liked it, and Lori Palmer, who had the madness and wit to marry Lonon on New Years Eve. Blessings on both of you as well as on all readers.
Sitting in Sesshin attuned to sounds—
To be transformed so many times—
A year and a half later sitting Sesshin
Then again be sucked up, travel
Or, for all I know, fall next to me
Donald Marsh
Below the big
Teacups for
See the showcase
Each booth with
Knock one over
One life is
(Check out John's program:
I invite readers to share their own creative works (poems, stories, images, comment, etc.) in Letter Box On Line (LBOL). I look for work and comments I feel support understanding and encouragement of the creative process, and hence, the process of life.
The Editor
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